04 7 / 2012

Healthy Sh*t: Where’d My Abs Go?!

Yeah, that was me about 4 or 5 years ago. Dressed as a slutty sailor (is there another kind?) for Halloween.  So see, there is proof that I once upon a time didn’t need loose shirts; I had abs! However, the past couple years in NYC have wrecked havoc on my midsection. I no longer had the pressure of having to wear a bikini at any moment like in Florida.

See, bikini all the time!

In NYC, it got cold; I was swathed in a huge puffy jacket we nicknamed Stay Puft for it’s clear resemblance to the monster on Ghostbusters. No one could see my abs; no one could even tell I wasn’t 200 lbs under Stay Puft. And the dark beer and pasta called to me and was excused by my mixed up mind: “It’s so cold out.  You need the energy. You work hard so you deserve _____ (insert terribly fatty, carb-drenched food item here)”.

Me, lumbering through the city…

Am I fat? No. But I am extremely unhappy with the shape my body has taken on. I used to love my arms.  They were always thin and showed muscle.  Now they have that weird flabby thing going on that when you wave, it waves with you.  Not cute.

The last straw was when I pulled on a pair of linen pants that used to be my comfy-chic summer pants that would hang from my hips.  Now they hadn’t actually “hung from my hips” in a bit but they were still comfortable.  I pulled them on and they barely wanted to zip.  My loose, comfy pants are now uncomfortable sausage skin!? I was disgusted. Yes, I have had these pants since I was 19 (when they literally hung from my hips and I would wear cropped shirts with them) so one might say, well, Faye, you ARE almost 30… Eff that! Just because I’m almost 30 does not mean I can’t still have a rockin bod. 30 is the new 20…right? RIGHT?! I’m still single and need to entrap…err attract myself a man…and this flabby version of Faye just will not do for me anymore.

And so I have taken drastic measures.  Today, July 4th 2012 I signed up for a program called Snatched at Mark Fisher Fitness.  It is a 6-week program of a small group they do 5 times a year.  It includes 3 classes a week (kettlebells and body weight classes) and unlimited access to the gym, nutritional coaching, daily emails and unlimited support via text or email to your trainers. It starts July 17th and ends the last week of August; right in time for Labor Day. It’s a little pricey but I need some support and want a total lifestyle change! This is my 30th birthday gift to myself! (September 15th…start planning your gifts.)

I went to check out the place yesterday and the people there were just so welcoming and funny! The slogan is “Ridiculous Humans. Serious Fitness” and they are ridiculous; they call everyone ninjas, drop F-bombs like it’s their job, and they have pictures beating up a guy dressed as a Twinkie. Awesome.  I really wanted a place that felt like a community (and I am also ridiculous) so I am really looking forward to getting started!

(Mark Fisher Fitness Facebook page - click on image for more)

One last thing, there is a before and after contest (they take your official before and after photos) and the winner gets their money back for being the most kick-ass!  And so, I officially throw my hat into the ring for said contest. I will be updating you all on my progress, but don’t worry, this has definitely not turned into a fitness blog.  I will still be writing about being a drunken idiot and douchey guys! If you do want a fitness blog, check out my girl’s blog, Sneaker and Fingerpaints!

Previously at the gym:

(6die.com) In the gym, working on ma fitness! 

By Labor Day:

Oh just lifting a little weight before I go have a pina colada….