13 6 / 2013
Let’s go for a Bike Ride Karl!
I couldn’t tell if I was laughing or crying when I saw this bike:
A $17k Chanel bike. WTF is the point of this?
You really think Karl rides bikes? Where the hell would his stupid cat go?
Listen here, you Brooklyn bitch, I am not stupid…this prick holding me isn’t the brightest though. No, what the hell?..no, no kisses Karl. Jeeeeesus.
Sorry Choupette, I apologize. It was my annoyance at Chanel “sporting goods” like this $9,000 surfboard….I’d like to see the “kook” that tries to take that out in double overheads.
So, if you have some random cash laying around to waste, you know where to go!
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09 6 / 2013
Signs You are Definitely NOT a New Yorker
- You walk in the middle of the sidewalk with a giant umbrella, ass-tard
- You stop to stare at a building…any random building
- You accept flyers when they are shoved in your way
- You meander, glide, saunter, amble or ramble, but you don’t actually WALK. Unless injured, New Yorkers walk fast. I’ve seen bitches in foot casts walking fast. Those ladies are definitely New Yorkers
- You say “Isn’t the subway neat?” “Oh, look at that performer!”
- You don’t know what “It’s Showtime!” means
- You don’t wear headphones or ear buds while walking
- You wear heels while walking around the city. Only trannies can wear heels everywhere. Unless you have a chauffer or are planning on taxis everywhere, a good NYC lady carries her heels and wears flats.
You often see models changing into their heels before going into buildings to meet designers
- You take taxis everywhere. Taxis are expensive and often take longer than the train in traffic. New Yorkers learn to love (ok, deal with) the subway
- Back to shoes. You don’t have a cobbler. Shoes wear out here. We know a good shoe guy.
- You enjoy dating. It sucks in NYC.
- You’re not really a big “foodie”. All New Yorkers are “foodies” or vegans, or locavores…pick a diet. On that note…
- You are fat. You cannot be fat in NYC. You can be plump, slightly overweight, but not obese. You have to walk places and go up many stairs. Besides, you will take up the sidewalk, annoying your fellow New Yorkers.
- You enjoy a good trip to Times Square
- You have never cried or yelled in public. Everywhere is “public” in NYC. Shit happens
- Speaking of, you have never stepped in dog shit. You will, at some point, step in at least a leftover smear of dog crap.
- You feel sad for bums and always give them money. You would be broke if you did that in NYC
- You have a great tan. You are not tan unless you just got back from vacay, are African-American, or you fake bake (beds and/or lotion). The few of you not fitting in that category are just lucky jerks
- You live alone in an apartment with actual rooms (plural)
- Your car is your status symbol, not your purse or watch.
- You carry a small purse.
26 5 / 2013
Found in wallet. Did someone stick this on my head and send me out into the street? It’s my handwriting though…it’s a mystery. A really hilarious mystery
25 5 / 2013
The Jane Hotel and Wildcat
Last Saturday, the ladies and I got all dolled up for a night on the town. D and I, coming from Brooklyn had to hop the L to 8th avenue and walk over to The Jane Hotel . This means I wore flip-flops and carried my heels so my feet wouldnât hurt before I even got to the bar. I stopped around the corner to slip into them before we got to the front door. I keeps it classy, kids. It was right around 11pm so we just strolled up and showed our IDs to the doorman who let us right through the heavy drapes into the dark den of booze and debauchery I hoped the evening would bring. The bar had just the right amount of patrons. There was a perfect corner to slip in to get the bartenderâs attention, who promptly delivered two vodka sodas. My dress was already tight so beer was not going to happen. The drinks were tall and pretty strong. I hate short drinks unless they’re shots because they go down quicker that a virgin at prom…heyoo! So bravo , barkeep. Jane Hotel Ballroom
22 5 / 2013
That Model with the Eyebrows Likes the Yayo
Cara Delevingne, the model with massive caterpillar eyebrows who has randomly skyrocketed to fame (Don’t try to understand why fashion puts certain people on a pedestal, I gave up trying to figure it out) has been potentially caught with a nice little baggie of powder. PS. I know I am way late on this…but life, work, you know, real life sometimes takes precedent.
Oops, there it goes!
So what?! If I was a famous 20 year old model, I’d probably be coked up too. How else you going to stay so skinny and be able to stay out at after-parties all the time. I mean really, who is at all surprised that a model does cocaine? Anyone? It’s just the model diet!
Can’t believe I wrote about this…
Love and uppers,
Me
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12 5 / 2013
We Proudly Welcome Our New Offering: Tinder Douche!
Shit Girls Deal With is pleased to announce our new blog, Tinder Douche!
After seeing so many amazing prospects on Tinder (by amazing, we mean from the slightly horrifying to desperately sad), my friend and I started Tinder Douche to celebrate errr um berate these lovable/detestable idiots.
Well I am sure this is a lovely stoner out there who will love him and his giant gas-mask bong
Please enjoy TInder Douche responsibly. Tinder Douche in made in Brooklyn, USA. If you have Tinder Douches you’d like to submit, please send a jpg and your choice of description - or I’ll write it if yours sucks - to faye@projectno9.com
Love and lots of X’s
Me
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11 5 / 2013
Happy Mother’s Day!
If you’ve read my blog pretty often, you will know that I have a good relationship with Mum. She’s my best friend and puts up with all the crap I write on here! Yay!
Unfortunately, I don’t have a picture of us together but here’s her arms holding my fat-ass up on a little pony toy. I have the same look now when someone tries to hold me up on a barstool…whahddaaeff, homie? I kid, I kid, mom!
Too. Much. Work. Let me just lay back down and eat my squashed peas!
Ahh, here she is.
What a hottie, right?!
Just glad we don’t have these awkward photos presented by Refinery29
WTF, Lohans?…I don’t know why I’m surprised.
This is my favorite:
Now that is a family photo, ya’ll!!
Anywho, Love ya, mummy!!
Love and mama’s girl,
Me
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08 5 / 2013
NYC Real Estate is F*cking Bleak…
Finally, it’s acknowledged in a little blog called The Worst Room
The Worst Room is a compilation of craptastic rooms that are actually up on Craigslist. Yeah, the prices are real. Don’t keel over from heart attack or anything. I’m not responsible!
Warning: Graphic images of the most pathetic existence you could have for $750 or more a month.
A very uncomfortable place ”Like the back of a VW bug?” (Mallrats reference….showing my age)
